Teens

If you haven’t started the process of talking to your teen about sexuality, spend a little time watching TV with them. It will give you all sorts of opportunities to discuss sexuality and your values about it. Riding together in the car can be a great place to start If you are not comfortable talking about the topic. You don’t have to make eye-contact and no one can leave the room! Remember, this is an ongoing process, not a one-time talk. It is your job to bring it up again and again. It is their job to roll their eyes and tell you they already know all this stuff. Bring it up again anyway!

They need to know your values. If you don’t want your children to have sex until they are married tell them so. If you don’t want your child to have sex until they are in a committed, long-term relationship and are at least 18, share this with them. If you want them to use a condom (if they choose to ignore your advice about when to have sex), tell them that as well. You may have to practice saying this and I promise it will not make your kids go out and have sex. Say it. “I do not want you to have sex yet, but I want you to use a condom if you do.”

More teens today have had oral sex than have had intercourse. As a culture we have told them not to have sex while bombarding them with all sorts of sexual ads, TV programs, music, etc. We have said don’t have sex so you don’t create a pregnancy or get a disease. They now are figuring it is “safe” to have oral sex. They need to hear from you that they CAN get a disease from oral sex (no matter who performs it on whom).

They also need to know what you DO think is okay for them. Is it okay to kiss? Hug? Cuddle? Touch above the waist? Below? If you have been talking to them comfortably since they were infants, this will not be so hard now. If this is new it may be time for a long car trip with a good book!